THE LEFT HALF IS A MONKEY
THE RIGHT HALF IS A CRAB
THIS ISN'T A MONKEY-CRAB WAR, NO
A MONKEY-CRAB FUSION
RIDDLE
I'LL GO FROM THE RIGHT
ARARAGI-SENPAI, YOU GO FROM THE LEFT
Y-YEAH
Araragi-senpai, let's go!
S-Sure!
"BECAUSE I'M LEFT-HANDED,
SOMETIMES I MISTAKE LEFT AND RIGHT," WAS SOMETHING KANBARU DEFINITELY SAID—
FOR SOME REASON, SHE WAS SITTING ON THE SWINGS.
WHY IS IT THE MOMENT AN APPARITION SHOWS UP CHASING AFTER HER, SHE STARTS PLAYING ON THE PLAYGROUND?
NOT ONLY IS IT UNUSUAL, IT'S ABSURD, ISN'T IT?
CRAB
MY ENTIRE BODY IS CREAKING.
Wait up, master!
Use this.
Use it!
The demon sword, "Kokoro Watari"...
There's no need to hesitate.
That thing is an apparition, but it's also not an apparition.
It's something bad, in a state before it turns into an apparition.
No harm will be done by slaying it.
In the first place, this sword is not the original,
but a certain person used his own flesh and blood, and slaved away to create it.
After all, without a blade, an armor-clad samurai feels incomplete!
In the end, it's been 400 years since I lent it to her.
Kanbaru! Out of the way!
SNAKE
Araragi-senpai! Look out!
A snake... Jagirinawa?
Ka ka!
Well done, I guess?
Sixty-two points.
OWARIMONOGATARI
SHINOBU MAIL, PART THREE
That was almost a perfect test of your prowess, wasn't it?
Actually, it looks like its specs were lower than what it used to be.
When the monkey came up against me by itself, it was controlling rain.
That was a troublesome skill.
Are you all right?
Are you hurt anywhere?
I'm not hurt anywhere.
This is warm. It smells like you, Araragi-senpai.
Um, can you not say stuff that sounds like it's from a romantic comedy?
But is it okay for me to be the one wearing this?
Well... Even in midsummer, standing like this in the middle of the night can get a bit chilly.
Well then, hold on just a second.
Wear this.
I'm really sorry, Kanbaru. To rope you into something like this.
In the first place, fighting is forbidden for basketball players, right?
You repeat yourself too much, Araragi-senpai.
If you keep apologizing so many times like that,
it makes me doubt if you really feel bad about all of it.
Hey, Shinobu.
Well then. Now, master... Time to continue the story.
Continue? Let's see... what were we talking about?
I was talking about the pairing, master.
We were discussing how we needed to recover the pairing between you and me.
Otherwise, we'll have a hard time, even against a defective apparition like that.
But what does that have to do with being under the swings?
As for recovering the pairing... well, we need to ask some specialist about that.
You know... For things like this, experience is the best teacher.
You should go over there and lie down in that exact location.
If you do, there will be things that you'll gain sight of. Now, let's go!
Man, this is totally scary! Scarier than an apparition! What is this?
What in the world did Shinobu want me to do, sending me to a land like this?
What did she want me to understand?
A bit late now, but I think the phrase Shinobu wanted to use
wasn't "Experience is the best teacher,"
but, "A picture is worth a thousand words."
CHANGE —> NORTH SHIRAHEBI SHRINE
"Once I've recovered a bit more,
I'll come see her to regain my cherished demon sword 'Kokoro Watari'!
In the end, it's been 400 years since I lent it to her.
Tell her that she should prepare herself for the late fees!"
Is that what that samurai said?
Yeah. And after that, he took off, laughing boisterously.
In what way?
I mean, how did this being laugh?
Recreate it.
Recreate it, you ask? That's more or less asking for the impossible.
It was something like that.
Shinobu, could it be...
Don't worry about it.
That's impossible. It's nothing more than a lie.
A-A lie? But...
That man died 400 years ago.
I saw it clearly with my own eyes.
Even if heaven and earth flip, even if night becomes day,
that is one thing that can't be mistaken.
It's so stupid it's not even worth discussing.
No, but wait, Shinobu...
If it is the case that this samurai is pretending to be him,
it must be due to something he's planning.
His objective may be to get myself or you feeling uneasy.
That's why you shouldn't worry about it. It's inevitable.
No matter what the objective is, that demon sword, the Apparition Killer...
I don't intend to hand it over to anyone.
If he says that he's the mastermind behind that menagerie that started with the monkey,
next time, I will personally slay him.
And I have nothing more to say about that.
Hey, Koyomin. I'm glad we finally got to meet up.
ULTRA ABSOLUTE SUPER RARE
Well, that's the end.
A quick message to Yotsugi...
Saying I safely met up with Koyomin and company.
This is why I made her carry a cellphone for children.
It seems that doll wasn't herself with regard to worrying about your well-being.
It seems... Or rather, it's pretty obvious if one looks at your face.
Face?
Koyomin is in high spirits.
Sent.
SEND
Okay, sorry to make you wait.
Hello, Ms. Shinobu Oshino, Ms. Suruga Kanbaru.
I'm Izuko Oshino.
You are familiar...
...with Oshino Meme. I'm his little sister!
To the lie that was told so audaciously, I was at a loss of words.
NO, THAT'S NOT IT.
YOUR LAST NAME IS GAEN, RIGHT?
Oh, to think that the Hawaiian-shirt boy had a younger sister.
Now that you mention it, there is a resemblance.
Shinobu was fooled.
I get that a lot!
Yeah. It seems my pitiful big brother caused you guys a lot of trouble.
I'm sorry about that.
I'm Suruga Kanbaru.
My occupation is Araragi-senpai's...
...sex slave!
You... really use that profile to describe yourself to everyone?
I see, a sex slave, huh?
It's so nice to be as young as you are uninhibited!
Well then, let's get to the main subject, folks.
I'm talking about business.
First off, tell me the tales of your adventures leading up to here.
Tell me your entire story, down to the finest detail.
Big Sister here loves hearing stories about someone else's life.
Coming this far, there was no reason to gloss over things.
I told her of tonight's events, just as they happened.
It really shows that you're used to telling stories, Koyomin.
That was very interesting.
It's as if you were a professional storyteller.
HANDSOME MAN (KOUDANSHI)
A handsome man being a professional storyteller.
PROFESSIONAL STORYTELLER (KOUDANSHI)
That's what it is.
I'll start with my conclusion.
That armor-clad samurai, 400 years ago,
is the first minion that Shinobu's previous self, the legendary vampire,
a rare species, the iron-blooded, hot-blooded, and cold-blooded vampire,
the Apparition Killer and King of Apparitions,
Kiss-shot Acerola-orion Heart-under-blade, created by drinking his blood.
In other words, Koyomi Araragi, you became the second minion
when Shinobu drank your blood back during spring break.
So he would be your senior.
In that he was the original Apparition Killer, I guess he'd be Shinobu's senior as well?
Hey, master.
This one is unbelievably amateurish.
Is this one really the little sister of Hawaiian shirt boy?
Tell her! Tell her, master!
Be blunt, in a sadistic way!
Correct this misunderstanding that this super-novice has!
S-Sure...
B-But, Ga—
Just call me Izuko.
...Ms. Izuko.
I'm saying, just Izuko is fine.
But Ms. Izuko, Shinobu's first minion should already be long dead.
Shinobu witnessed it firsthand.
Despite turning into a vampire,
he exposed himself to the sun to commit suicide by burning himself.
He burned up, and turned into ashes... So...
So... He's no longer here. There's no way that he can be here.
It's impossible for that armor-clad samurai to be Shinobu's first minion.
Why?
Well, I said—
Why? Why do you think it's impossible?
Araragi-senpai...
But, if you say that, isn't he an immortal vampire that can't die?
That's right, Ms. Suruga Kanbaru.
As expected from someone who could animate the Monkey's Paw.
That's outstanding.
In other words, although it took him 400 years from his suicide by burning,
said vampire has fully revived.
To think he can be revived even if he's turned into ashes and bones...
I guess I should say, as expected from the first minion
chosen by the legendary vampire, Kiss-shot Acerola-orion Heart-under-blade.
Now, please observe.
As I stated the conclusion first,
I'll go in order, and explain chronologically.
Of course, the sun is the vampire's weakness.
Even grade-school kids know that.
Even the iron-blooded, hot-blooded, and cold-blooded vampire
Kiss-shot Acerola-orion Heart-under-blade isn't immune to that.
Not to mention, her minions as well.
But it's not an exaggeration...
The King of Apparitions, whose name was known worldwide,
isn't an exception, but merely outside conventional boundaries.
The weakness wasn't functioning as a weakness.
It's a fact that Koyomin, back in spring break,
you burst into flames basking in sunlight, right?
But you fully recovered after that as well?
I know that.
Something similar happened to the first minion as well.
That's what this means.
Of course, in his case, unlike Koyomin who mistakenly exposed himself,
he intentionally exposed himself to the sun in order to kill himself.
So it's not an attempted (misui) suicide, but more like a suicide that missed (misu).
And of course, it seems it took him a bit of time to revive.
Roughly 400 years or so.
To be more precise, even 400 years after the missed suicide attempt,
even now, the first one's body hasn't fully recovered.
Koyomin, you must've realized this, as you've directly dealt with the armor-clad samurai.
You must've felt that the armor-clad samurai was getting stronger as time went on.
But to be precise, he wasn't getting stronger.
He was recovering.
His health is taking a turn for the better.
He is trying to get back to his complete self.
The reason why he performed an energy drain on you and Ms. Suruga Kanbaru is, right,
to try and fix himself up by eating.
Just like how Shinobu ate that imitation apparition
to recover from being scratched by that imitation apparition.
Shall I say you're an admirable second one, Koyomin,
since you aided the speedy recovery of the first one?
No, wait. I'm not just talking about what happened tonight.
I'm saying this based off of you as an individual, looking at all of your recent behavior.
You don't understand what I'm talking about?
It's fine, you'll understand soon enough.
On the other hand, I wanted to end it all before it resulted in something like this.
I was going to have Yotsugi take care of it all by herself.
There ended up being all sorts of miscalculations.
The fact that I know everything doesn't mean that everything will go my way.
Especially involving you, Koyomin.
Someone like you that doesn't move according to logic,
someone whose activities are unpredictable, an aberrant youth.
That's why I took responsibility for making mistakes in my calculations,
came all the way out to the front line,
and that's why I asked you for your assistance.
You may be thinking that an ill-spirited big sister is roping you into some troublesome work.
But the big sister is, in fact, giving you a chance.
The perfect chance to claim responsibility for happenings you set up.
Though you may not be convinced of this right away.
You may never be convinced of it in your lifetime.
But Koyomin, have you never wondered about it?
About why, for the past six months,
you've encountered phenomenon involving apparitions almost monthly?
You never thought it strange?
Why did the legendary vampire Kiss-shot Acerola-orion Heart-under-Blade
visit the town you live in during spring break, instead of anywhere else in this world?
Was it just a coincidence...
that a crab girl, a snail girl, a monkey girl, and a snake girl were all in this town?
The one that Kagenui, an underclassman that even I have trouble with, went after...
Was it just a coincidence that the phoenix apparition lived right here in this town?
The cat... Has a slightly special circumstance, though.
That's probably why the armor-clad samurai accidentally stomped on the tail of a tiger.
Well, in that regard, coincidence has favored you.
A tiger, huh...
For the first one, whose entire body became a fireball,
flames and blazes must have been traumatic.
Of course he'd choose a momentary retreat.
If you live to meet Tsubasa Hanekawa again,
make sure to properly thank her.
You don't know what I'm talking about now, either?
Then you don't have to worry about it for now.
Your friend is nothing more than a sad girl who protects you, even if it's unintentionally.
It seems, Koyomin, your train of thought is that
something that happens to you could happen to anyone else.
To this train of thought that denies miracles, I do sense quite a bit of modesty,
but it has one major flaw.
FLAW
A huge flaw that makes you say, "You're wrong," to convict someone that thinks you're special.
I'm sorry I'm saying so many vague things.
When faced with a young man in high spirits like you,
Big Sister here really wants to explain the meaning of life.
If this was Big Brother Meme, he'd probably say, "You seem to be in good spirits.
Did something nice happen to you, or something?" and let it end there, but...
Resentfully enough, yours truly isn't as tolerant as that immature man.
Come to think of it, I promised to explain chronologically, didn't I?
Then let's keep that promise.
In the end, keeping the promise is the shortest route to getting results.
First, 400 years ago.
Currently Shinobu Oshino,
Kiss-shot Acerola-orion Heart-under-blade, as a vampire, hadn't made any minions until then.
But that was when she made her first slave.
She drank human blood.
The background story of how she ended up in that situation can be skipped, right?
It was already told in another location, and that is a story of the past.
For you, and for him.
Going from being a specialist in defeating apparitions to someone to be exterminated,
the first one couldn't tolerate the circumstances.
He couldn't face the reality that he had turned into a monster.
That was why he chose death for himself.
He exposed himself to the sun.
He turned into ashes, and was blown into the wind and disappeared...
Or so it seemed.
Leaving Heart-under-blade all his grudges
and a replica of the Apparition Killer, the demon blade "Kokoro Watari"...
Everyone lived happily ever after.
As stated earlier, that's not how things went.
Even turning to ash, even becoming nothing, he didn't die.
He may have disappeared, but he wasn't eradicated.
He died, but couldn't fully die.
He kept living.
He became nothing, he became the void, and lived on.
Taking 400 years, so much time that one feels overwhelmed and even disgusted,
he slowly, ever so slowly, recovered his physical form.
Each time he recovered, the sun would burn him.
Each time he constructed, he was shattered.
Even then, he didn't give up, his will was never bent... And he recovered.
For an astoundingly long time, the futile trial-and-error for recovery continued.
Of course, that first one had turned into ash, so there shouldn't have been a clear will or anything.
So such a recovery could be called the reaction of a living vampire,
or maybe an involuntary response.
At that point, it seems more pitiful than futile.
Continuing a game an infinite amount of times, but never being able to finish the game.
Because he inherited the immortality of vampires in a halfhearted way,
he wasn't even able to die.
This was eternal life in its true sense.
If Yoduru had been there,
I'm sure she would've done a splendid job of laying him to rest.
But this is a story about 400 years ago, after all.
In any case, repeatedly going through a closed-circuit reincarnation over and over by himself...
...he might have done so for the rest of time.
The first Apparition Killer had above-average persistence.
It was definitely worthy of the fact
that the legendary vampire chose him as her first minion.
With a will that wasn't supposed to be there, with what little willpower he had,
he rode the wind as ash.
Even if he was scattered, he'd congregate once again.
Grain by grain, with much persistence...
By perseverance alone, he returned to this town.
That was what happened 15 years ago.